It seems a little strange to say this, considering the theme of my upcoming post, but I’m going to save my Ankara trip details for my next post.  This post is dedicated to the last two-and-a-half hellish weeks of my life, starting the moment my mother told me that my father had been diagnosed with cancer and that I needed to be on the next plane home from Turkey.

It’s been a blur of praying, hospital beds, nurses, tears, oncologists, chemotherapy, IVs, general internists, nausea, machines beeping incessantly, pills, sleepless nights on the couch at the hospital, and a thousand other things all happening at once and yet most of the time it feels like nothing is going on.  Cancer is a big waiting game, and patience has never been one of my strong suits.  I run around like a chicken with my head cut off, taking care of the little things for my dad so the nurses and doctors can take care of the big things.  It’s so frustrating when you want to make a difference but you really can’t..

But this post isn’t to talk about the sad stuff, it’s to talk about the topic that has been at the forefront of my mind for the last week.  My whole life, I have loved to plan things.  My courses at university, my summer breaks, my abroad experiences — I like to make a schedule and I’ve found that this is the secret to getting it all done.  There’s a million things to do on my bucket list.  To finish them all, I had to start early.  But my mom has always warned me: there’s time.  Slow down.  You’ll get it all done.  You don’t have to do it all right now.

My Dad is brilliant and creative.  He’s also young (mid-60s) and we have plans.  Lots of plans.  They keep running through my head like those “Breaking News” headlines running along the bottom of the TV screen.  Will we get to them?

So… slow down?  Wait?  There’s time?  The cold, hard truth is that you don’t know that.  All we know is the past.  What we did.

If today was my last day on this earth, I can say that I am so grateful for my incredible parents, who have always been there for me.  I love my incredible boyfriend, who has kept me sane the last few weeks via texts and Skype and did the ultimate sanity-saver when he instantly hopped on a plane to America two weeks ago to come meet my Dad.. just in case.  I love my friends who are never more than a text or an email or a Facebook message away.

I loved my high school, that taught me anything was possible with the right resources.  I loved my university, that taught me how to challenge myself and to THINK.  I loved my time in Florence and Rome, and my weeks spent backpacking across Europe.  I loved my trips with my mom, especially the last one to New Zealand.  I loved living in Turkey for seven months and learning everything I did about Turkish culture and food, teaching ESL, and so much about myself.  Yes, there’s still so much left to do, but all in all, its been a good run, and I’m glad I didn’t slow down.  I’m glad I didn’t pause.  I’m glad I didn’t hesitate.  I’m so grateful to have been able to do everything I’ve done up to this point.

I guess that’s the purpose of this post.  I’ve had a lot of people tell me they’re jealous of my travels, and to those people with the resources and means to travel — what are you waiting for?  Saving, planning for the future, thinking things through… those are good traits but spontaneity, excitement, adventure — these are the things that make life worth living.  We only get to do this one.  We have to make it count.

Next weekend I’ll be in England, spending St. Patrick’s Day with my wonderful boyfriend who will feed me Indian food and let me sleep off the last three weeks.  Then I’ll head to Turkey, where I’ll collect my things, say an incredibly short goodbye, and head back to Virginia Beach for at least six months.  In the coming weeks, I will take a scuba diving certification class, a first aid/cpr/aed class, and I’m doing a 10k in Richmond with Elise.  I will spend the rest of my time taking care of my dad while he undergoes chemotherapy and physical therapy.  My fingers are crossed that we can bring him home soon, which would mean no more CONSTANT interruptions (there is ALWAYS someone coming into the room), a more comfortable bed with no nighttime snoring soundtrack, and most importantly, it would mean that my dad is getting stronger and more stable and we get closer to those incredible plans that we have yet to enjoy.

I also want to say a deep thank you to everyone who has sent prayers and well wishes; I haven’t had time to respond to everyone individually but I feel so blessed to know how many people have been keeping my father in their thoughts.  If you don’t mind keeping it up for a little bit longer, my family and I appreciate it more than I could ever even begin to express.